Broken or whole

Wild tree in forest

Are we fundamentally broken or whole?

If sometimes hear people explain their brokenness by events that caused a trauma and made them who they are.

And this time, I found myself wondering.

What a strange thing, to wonder about what events or traumas cause our brokenness. If I am many voices, it only seems natural to me that it is a chaos and they want different things. If I am conditioned by parents, teachers, peers and myself, it only seems natural to me there are different and contradictory habits. If I’m in pain, it makes sense not to hurt myself.

And in fact – it seems nothing less than a small miracle I can grow into becoming more coherent. In letting the voices sing in unison. That I have an influence in conditioning myself, and that somehow, I manage to make a coherent, functional set of habits out of all that. That when there is pain, I have the courage and trust to embrace the pain and find beauty and growth hidden inside.

If understanding how we’ve become who we are brings relief and acceptance, then I love it. Somehow it helps integrate those many parts in me.

But if the inquiry into our traumas turns into a blaming – like I need to justify being this way – then I’d rather spend my time wondering about small miracles.

When my inner voices sing in unison, sure it feels effortless and natural – but I’d say a incoherent cacophony is our default.